Sunday, April 29, 2018

Surviving a Temporary World

This has been a time of deep depression for me. I suffer from "the blues" off and on and have gotten used to the feelings. Usually, I work through the bad days by reminding myself that the sadness is temporary. I try to think of the last time I felt such a way and remember that I came through it. There are times though when the dark despair grabs hold and just sinks its teeth in. The past week has been one of those times.

What I am reminding myself of today as I wait for the depression to ease up is that not only is the unexplainable sadness temporary but this whole mortal life is not forever. I also remind myself that these attacks are the work of Satan - or at least the work of sin and consequences.

I suppose one of Satan's most gleeful accomplishments is when he can get our human hearts to look away from God to focus on everything but what we have to be thankful for. I have so much to be grateful for: a roof over my head and food and medications and people who care about me. But even if I were the most bereft person with nothing but life and breath, I could be thankful that there is a Savior who died for all of us.

All this for me

Of course, I am human and of flesh so I often find myself floating around in my misery.  The other day, I felt as if I was shut away in the darkest kind of darkness. I felt chained to the dark.

For those who don't know or who cannot understand, depression is real. I've heard some Christians say that depression is just self-pity or that it's something we just need to pray about. The first is not usually true and the second, while true, doesn't help the sufferer deal with the moment they are in. I pray all the time and I know that I will come out of my bad moments - one way or the other - because I do have a Savior who loves me. But it's the moment we sufferers live in that is the danger. How many people have not made it through that moment? How many people weakened during one of those moments?

I don't want someone telling me to "be a warrior, not a worrier" when I am fighting depression. If you want to do something for a person in the grips of depression, you pray for them. You be their prayer warrior.


So, yes, this too will pass, I know that. It's the surviving until then that I struggle with. I will wait it out, ride it out, pray it out, and I will come through. I just pray for the people who don't have that faith or hope. But I do have that faith. I do have that hope that comes from knowing that all this world can take from me is this body. My soul is safe.

I never forget advice from a favorite song: to stop fighting a battle that has already been won because I am redeemed.


Friday, March 30, 2018

Everyday Demonics

I occasionally listen to a podcast called Cults. The first time I heard of it was via listening to a podcast about the members of the Heaven's Gate cult. Almost every time I listen to one of the podcasts, I end up praying for anyone who might fall victim to such dangerous foolishness. Sometimes though, I just despair.

Yesterday, via the Cults podcast, I heard for the first time about The Church of Euthanasia. I'm serious. By the time I got halfway through the podcast, I was convinced that there truly is what I call everyday demonic activity.

If Satan's intent is to destroy men by inverting everything about God's love for us, then he totally has won with the people involved in this so-called "church". If what was said in this podcast about the members of this cult, this is how Satan manifests in them:

  • They are not just opposed to God's plan of procreation but are also gleefully in favor of such things as cannibalism, sodomy, abortion, and suicide. The cannibalism is rationalized by saying that the eating of already-dead people (such as accident victims) is better than the eating of animals and that the human flesh of the dead is just going to waste. They advocate sodomy as a way to have sex without fear of procreation. Suicide and abortion is their idea of ways to stop overpopulation.
  • The founder of the "church" claims to have first become aware of the "problem" of humanity as a ten-year-old child when he began to think of humans as just meat. He (or she) also had a dream-contact with what I believe is a demon. Whatever it was, it gave Korda the ideas for the basis of what later became this "church".
  • One of the quotes from Korda leaped out at me when I heard the Crowley phrase of "do what thy wilt". How unoriginally demonic is that?
  • Korda has a lot of identity confusion. Korda was born a male but identifies as a female, so I'm not even sure how to refer to the person.
  • That Korda who is so opposed to religion and organized society, I find it odd that he/she has a "church" that is organized with titles such as reverend, bishop, sister, brother, etc., and also designed a symbol that he/she wants to be recognized the way the Christian cross is.
I seriously want to tell anyone who doesn't believe in the existence of Satan and other demons to explain Korda. Explain such vehement resistance to a God that atheists claim doesn't exist. 

By the way, I haven't finished listening to the podcast. It's so disturbing that I'm not sure that I will complete it. One part of me wants to pray for Korda while the other part of me is just disgusted. More than anything, I pray that the Lord returns and end all this nonsense. In the meantime, I am praying for Korda and the people who are involved in that cult.


Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Christian Fellowship for Introverts

As someone who has always been a "loner" by personality and (usually) preference, I struggle with the fact that the Bible speaks so much about the necessity of fellowship and assembly.

These verses feel so convicting to me:
  • They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. (Acts 2:42)
  • And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)
  • speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; (Ephesians 5:19)
  • Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. (Colossians 3:16)
And the one that I really struggle with...
  • Be hospitable to one another without complaint. (1 Peter 4:9)
So I can't even complain about it? LOL

I have no problem with being kind and hospitable. I will welcome almost anyone into my home. I just don't want to have to constantly entertain them. I'm pretty much like, Come on in and make yourself at home and I'll be in my room if you need me.

And then Peter has to remind me to not only be hospitable but to do so without complaint...

You know that verse runs through my mind every time I make some excuse not to commune with someone! That happens a lot now that I live in this very friendly and communal-atmosphere of a 55+ building. I think that most older people are retired or lonely and in need of company. Constantly. I feel bad, but I really do usually feel physically bad. When I do feel okay, I want to do all the things I wasn't able to during my sick days. Hanging out and idly chit-chatting is not one of the things I want to do.

This sounds horrible, but one of the reasons I don't attend church regularly is because it's so social. I think that if I could just go, hear the message, get something out of the message, then leave, I'd be okay. Instead, almost every church I've ever attended, fellow members want to chat before and after the service. And there's always a 'thing' - a luncheon or dinner or some other extra-service get-together. After about 10 minutes of idle chatter (or trying to avoid it), I just feel so worn down. And I also feel bad.

When I meditate on the Christian life, I often wonder if it's wrong for me to be so adverse to a lot of socializing? Even when I wasn't saved, I didn't like to over-socialize. I had to drag myself to company parties and functions and I'd leave as soon as I could without appearing rude. I never even liked being in nightclubs and bars much.  If I did go to those places, it was with a one or two friends and I kept to myself and my little group. There was no rabble-rousing, inviting other bar patrons to the table, or joining theirs.

My best friend is the one person who gets my introverted nature. She's a lot like me but she does get out more - especially for church and church functions. She teases me that I just don't like to join in the reindeer games!

Here's the thing: I don't mind small gatherings. Very small. The other night, I went to a Bible study/prayer get-together a neighbor hosts for people dealing with disabilities. I've either been too sick or too fatigued to make it before. I went and had a good time. I was truly blessed by the other two women who happened to be very sweet and kind and understanding. The atmosphere was comfortable because it was just 3 of us. That I can handle. If there had been five or more of us, my social anxiety would have kicked in.

I'm curious what other Christians think of this. Is it okay to be an introvert or do I need to work on being more social? I guess that's something I need to be praying about.


P.S.:  Just as I was finishing out this post,  I found this over on GotQuestions.Org and know that I need to pray about my personality...