It's been a few weeks now since we lost our dear Gabby. Today was the first day one of my other nieces from Arizona and I were able to smile a bit while talking about her. The Arizona niece and the rest of the family who traveled back to Alaska to memorialize Gabs all came down with colds. I guess the weather transition paired with the stress just wore everyone down. I myself was battling a sore throat. So, when talking about all this over the phone, my niece and I both laughed when we remembered how Gabby would always nag us to drink Echinacea tea for a cold.
It felt good to think of and talk about Gabby with smiles and not just tears.
I have a neighbor whose elderly father passed away within a day or two of Gabby's death. His wife died about a year and a half ago. I talked to her more than I did with him and when she knew she was dying soon from a returning cancer, I walked down to their place to visit with her and take her fruit. We chatted a bit and before I left, I asked if she minded if I prayed for her. Somehow, I knew she was "religious" but I didn't know if she had accepted Christ. She said she would like to pray so I did. I asked that Jesus reach her heart to let her know that she could have peace after death (because I was too chicken to directly ask her about her state of salvation). I asked that he ease her fears and physical pains so that she could leave this world without a lot of suffering.
After that prayer, I was trying to decide how to just ask her if she was saved. I didn't get a chance because she told me that she did feel at peace and was not afraid to die. It was very frustrating not to know what exactly she believed about death and peace. I cowardly let it go at that and said goodbye. Her daughter told me a few days later that she had died in her sleep. Hospice had come and kept her medicated.
When her husband died the other week, I hadn't taken the chance to talk with him about his salvation. He had spent a lot of time away, visiting a sister in Texas for a couple of months, then visiting other family members for a week or two at a time. His daughter works and I think he just didn't like being alone in the apartment so much. When I heard that he'd passed, I was in the first phase of my own grief. Today, I saw his daughter this morning as she was outside loading things into her car. I'm told she is moving across town. I still think about my hit-and-miss witnessing attempts with her parents. And I feel like such a coward.
I have actually tried to witness to a couple of my other neighbors. Two of them were chatting when I went into the lobby to check my mail. As usual, they spoke and I was drawn into their conversation. One of these ladies had lost her husband a couple of years ago. They'd been married for 68 years. They and the other couple I mentioned were some of the first people I met when I moved here.
The widow was telling us about her morning, She had been to church (she is Catholic) and mentioned that she'd spoken to one of the priests about praying for her late husband. I didn't really follow all that she was saying because I don't really understand Catholicism. I'm not even sure if she is Roman Catholic or not. I do know that she seemed to think that we could pray for the dead. The other lady is obviously of the same beliefs, whatever they are because she seemed interested in knowing what the priest had to say.
Since I was less cowardly that day, I managed to put in my two cents' worth. I casually mentioned that "in my faith" (cringe), we don't pray for our dead because believers are saved by the blood of Jesus. They didn't seem offended, thank goodness, so I kind of rambled on about liking the simplicity of knowing that I can't do anything to save myself because Jesus has done that for me.
I probably sounded like an idiot but I did get it said. They both just kind of nodded but they didn't ask any questions. Someone else came up by then and the conversation was diverted to something random.
So, yeah, I really need to work on my witnessing efforts.
About 2 years ago, I bought a bundle of Gospel of John tracts that I would anonymously place around the community room and in the lobby. When people were taking them one by one, I bought more. (As I was writing this post, I went over and ordered a variety of gospel tracts from ChristianBook.com). If I can't be more brave, I can at least do something.
Anyway, I am glad that I did talk to my niece before she died. Like me, she was raised with a knowledge of salvation but never really committed one way or the other. Thankfully, she did accept Christ long before she passed. She had only just started reading her Bible, studying and discussing Christianity but it's not studying or reading that saves us. She had Jesus.
By the way, in case this helps anyone else in dealing with their own grief, I would suggest writing letters to the person. I don't know why but I started writing and sending emails to my late niece's account. I might have gotten the idea from a documentary I watched a while back. There are people in Japan who'd lost loved ones in during earthquakes or tsunamis - some natural disasters. Some organization or the other set up a booth with an old-fashioned rotary dial phone. People go into the booth for privacy, pick up the phone and talk to their late loved ones. It was heartbreaking to see one really old man talking into a silent phone to his late wife. He was just telling her that he loved and misses her. So, yeah, maybe that idea was in the back of my mind when I started writing the emails to Gabby. That might sound weird, but it's been helpful.
Peace
--Free
