I've talked quite a lot on my other blog about the dental work I am having done. Sarcoidosis has bone damage (or weakness) and bone loss. I can easily fracture my ribs and, in the past 3 or 4 years, the bone loss caused me to lose teeth.
When things got to the point where eating was difficult, I decided to get dentures. I can't get implants because of the bone loss. So far, I've had all the extractions done in 2 stages - first the upper teeth, then the lower ones. At this point, I have to wait 6 months for complete healing before I will have dentures. Here are the thoughts I've had during this process.
On Faith:
I have gone through a few periods of self-pity in the 13 years since my initial Neurosarcoidosis diagnosis. However, mostly, I am so thankful that God has helped me deal with everything. I know for a fact that I would not have made it without my faith. During my personal B.C. (Before Christ) years, I would have crumbled under such a situation. I often think of Romans 8:28 -
“All things work together for good to those who love God.”
That biblical teaching is a concept that has been shown over and over in the lives of many.
On Gratitude:
Every day that I wake up - no matter how I feel physically or mentally - I thank God. I know that there are people with this and other diseases (or with none at all) who didn't get the privilege of seeing another morning. I'm also thankful that I live in a time when there is more treatment for diseases. I'm truly thankful for having had wonderful doctors and nurses.
Whenever I go through a bout of depression, I feel like I can't see anything but darkness but I do know that the light of Christ is there for me. And if you don't know how deep depression can drag someone, count yourself blessed. But if you have suffered from depression, the blessing is that you can relate to someone else who suffers. So I count my depression and anxiety as blessings. That goes back to Romans 8:28 in another teaching.
On Vanity:
In my B.C. life, I was a bit vain. Even though I was young, slim, and fairly attractive, I would worry if I got a tiny blemish on my face. I would focus on that little physical (and temporary, mind you) imperfection to the point that I was calling attention to it when no one might have noticed. I once got rained on walking into the building at work. The moisture ruined my hairstyle. It bothered me so much that I almost couldn't do my job throughout the day. I realize now that vanity is so immature and temporal. These days, I'm thankful to be breathing and walking upright!
As you can imagine, having all my teeth removed changed my face - a lot. Without teeth, I'm jowly and have sunken lips. Smiling is not really what happens when I try to! I'm pretty sure I scared a small child the other day. 😄
My dentist warned me about what my face would look like and since I have to wait so long for dentures, he suggested wearing a mask when I go out. I did wear a mask the first couple of times I was out. I probably will wear one when I am going to be out in public for more than a few minutes. However, I haven't been wearing one when I am inside the apartment building.
I know what I look like, but I know why I look like this for now. I think that wearing a mask every single time I step out of my apartment is ridiculous. But, even when I just had the top teeth out, there were times when one person made me feel very self-conscious...
On Manners:
The very first time this one certain person (and this is a grown woman with children, mind you) saw me without my top teeth, she expressed humorous shock. I understood that. It was the first time she had seen me that way. She'd known for months that I was seeking a dentist to prepare me for dentures. She had been one of the people who encouraged me the most. Almost every time I saw her, she would ask if I had made an appointment. Suddenly, she went from being encouraging and supportive to making me feel awkward.
After the first several times she made some remark ("You just look so weird!" or "I can't get used to looking at you like this") I was over it.
This woman has not yet seen me with all my teeth out. I am just waiting for what new thing she has to say the next time I see her. And I have been praying that I can be mature (and not-petty-at-all) when I do hear what she has to say... You would think that a woman who has children and (hopefully) has had to teach them good manners, would know better.
I was hurt, upset, and confused by this woman's actions. Was she trying to hurt my feelings? Was she joking? (She didn't seem to be.) The only thing I can think of is that she might be going through something herself. I don't know, but maybe that's why she either doesn't know or doesn't care that she is being rude.
In contrast to that woman, another of my neighbors had a different response. I was stepping right outside the door of my apartment to do something when she was passing by. I think I must have ducked or looked some kind of way because she stopped to speak to me. She asked how the dental work was going and then she said something along the lines of: "I'm glad that you are a Christian woman and not trying to hide. I don't know why more people don't worry about their heart than how they might look."
Okay, it was a weird way to encourage me but I know this woman and I know that she was being sincere. I thanked her and mentioned that I wished more people could either be kind or keep their opinions to themselves. We both laughed about that and she went on her way.
I was brought up to be gracious and to not make anyone feel bad about themselves. My mother used to teach us that we never know what people are going through and how our words or actions might affect them. This is what is going to help me to not be mean to the rude woman. I could drop a heavy-handed hint by letting her know that I heard her all the other times she had something to say.
Anyway. Maybe some of this post will help someone else who's dealing with something in life. Let's all stay prayerful.
Peace
--Free
