My "aunt" passed away this past Sunday. She was really my cousin but, since she was about 15 years older than me, I've always called her "Auntie". She was my mother's niece and when I was going through one of the worst times in my life, Mama was already gone so Auntie was the one I ran to. She held me when I cried, built me up when I felt stupid and unlovable. We communicated a lot without having to talk much.
She was the master of the random segue and I realize now that she knew just when to say or do something to keep me from sliding into one of those black holes of too much thought, too much doubt, too much wanting to just wither away and be out of my pain. We'd be sitting together, maybe watching TV or just looking out into the back yard at the weather and out of nowhere, she'd laugh and then remind me of something funny that had happened years ago. Sometimes, she would just get up to go into another room and, passing by me, put a calming hand on my shoulder or pat me softly.
When I was younger, I was a little bit afraid of Auntie. She was a gruff woman, very direct in the way she dealt with people. She never hesitated to let anyone know whether she thought they were being silly, stupid, or just plain dumb. She could do this with a brief glance. I was a shy teenager and I remember being at her house one holiday. We had the food set up on one large table in the dining room and everyone lined up to fill their own plates. When I hung back, she barked that I better get my little narrow behind over there and get some food. I just about died when my mother and siblings laughed at the look on my face. I got in line with a quickness though. Auntie went on muttering under her breath about how I looked like I blow over if someone opened a door too fast. When I wasn't putting enough food on my plate, she added more. I cringed until she leaned over and touched her face to my head and said, "Such a pretty little thang. Get some more of that gravy on those potatoes there."
Eventually, I learned to relax around Auntie. She loved the fact that I was a bookworm and she'd brag to people that I had probably read my way through a public library. In her own very gruff and unique way she made me feel pretty and smart and loved. She was like that with anyone she cared about. One minute she'd be telling someone off and the next, she'd be laughing with them or giving them one of her bear hugs.
Here's something I will never forget about Auntie: I never saw her sleep in a bed. She always slept in a chair. She would pull a light blanket over herself and cover her face. I don't know if she even slept any other way when she was younger. What's hilarious about this is that she spent her entire career of over 30 years working for a mattress company. She could and did get huge discounts on mattresses for family members. My mother got a top-of-the-line mattress one year, courtesy of Auntie.
Auntie had a life-long partner who died just weeks before she did. When she called to tell me that my "uncle" had passed, I could hear in her voice that she felt done for. She sounded more tired and defeated than I had ever heard her. Years ago, she lost one of her only 2 children - her son - and she'd been grieving but not beaten. When her mother, my real aunt had died not long after my own mother, she had reminded me that both women were now rejoicing together in Heaven. She had been grieving her lost but not beaten by it. When my uncle died though, she sounded resigned. It was as if she had fought all the battles she could handle.
And I know that she is now at rest and in peace.
The last time I spoke to Auntie, it was just days after my uncle's passing. I wanted to know how she was "holding up" as we say. I don't remember what she told me but I remember that I knew she was really drained and given out. My uncle had been suffering for the past couple of years with dementia and my aunt had been in the hospital herself with heart problems just a few months before he died.
But now she is at rest and in peace.
My auntie never had an easy life. She worked so hard for so many years and looked forward to a nice retirement. Because of problems beyond her control, she had to use up her retirement money so she ended up struggling along on her social security. She spent several years struggling as a parent. She spent at least 5 years taking care of her sick mother. Her knees were bad from her years on her feet in a factory. Her heart was probably under a lot of strain from all her worries about everything. She never had it easy but she was always trying to be an encouragement to everyone else.
And she is now being rewarded with rest and peace.
I am thinking about and being thankful for my auntie. I am thinking about and looking forward to when I will see her again. Heaven is on my mind. I am thinking so much about Heaven. I will talk about that next time because it's possible for all of us to one day be at rest and in peace. Please know that.
Peace
--Free
She was the master of the random segue and I realize now that she knew just when to say or do something to keep me from sliding into one of those black holes of too much thought, too much doubt, too much wanting to just wither away and be out of my pain. We'd be sitting together, maybe watching TV or just looking out into the back yard at the weather and out of nowhere, she'd laugh and then remind me of something funny that had happened years ago. Sometimes, she would just get up to go into another room and, passing by me, put a calming hand on my shoulder or pat me softly.
When I was younger, I was a little bit afraid of Auntie. She was a gruff woman, very direct in the way she dealt with people. She never hesitated to let anyone know whether she thought they were being silly, stupid, or just plain dumb. She could do this with a brief glance. I was a shy teenager and I remember being at her house one holiday. We had the food set up on one large table in the dining room and everyone lined up to fill their own plates. When I hung back, she barked that I better get my little narrow behind over there and get some food. I just about died when my mother and siblings laughed at the look on my face. I got in line with a quickness though. Auntie went on muttering under her breath about how I looked like I blow over if someone opened a door too fast. When I wasn't putting enough food on my plate, she added more. I cringed until she leaned over and touched her face to my head and said, "Such a pretty little thang. Get some more of that gravy on those potatoes there."
Eventually, I learned to relax around Auntie. She loved the fact that I was a bookworm and she'd brag to people that I had probably read my way through a public library. In her own very gruff and unique way she made me feel pretty and smart and loved. She was like that with anyone she cared about. One minute she'd be telling someone off and the next, she'd be laughing with them or giving them one of her bear hugs.
Here's something I will never forget about Auntie: I never saw her sleep in a bed. She always slept in a chair. She would pull a light blanket over herself and cover her face. I don't know if she even slept any other way when she was younger. What's hilarious about this is that she spent her entire career of over 30 years working for a mattress company. She could and did get huge discounts on mattresses for family members. My mother got a top-of-the-line mattress one year, courtesy of Auntie.
Auntie had a life-long partner who died just weeks before she did. When she called to tell me that my "uncle" had passed, I could hear in her voice that she felt done for. She sounded more tired and defeated than I had ever heard her. Years ago, she lost one of her only 2 children - her son - and she'd been grieving but not beaten. When her mother, my real aunt had died not long after my own mother, she had reminded me that both women were now rejoicing together in Heaven. She had been grieving her lost but not beaten by it. When my uncle died though, she sounded resigned. It was as if she had fought all the battles she could handle.
And I know that she is now at rest and in peace.
The last time I spoke to Auntie, it was just days after my uncle's passing. I wanted to know how she was "holding up" as we say. I don't remember what she told me but I remember that I knew she was really drained and given out. My uncle had been suffering for the past couple of years with dementia and my aunt had been in the hospital herself with heart problems just a few months before he died.
But now she is at rest and in peace.
My auntie never had an easy life. She worked so hard for so many years and looked forward to a nice retirement. Because of problems beyond her control, she had to use up her retirement money so she ended up struggling along on her social security. She spent several years struggling as a parent. She spent at least 5 years taking care of her sick mother. Her knees were bad from her years on her feet in a factory. Her heart was probably under a lot of strain from all her worries about everything. She never had it easy but she was always trying to be an encouragement to everyone else.
And she is now being rewarded with rest and peace.
I am thinking about and being thankful for my auntie. I am thinking about and looking forward to when I will see her again. Heaven is on my mind. I am thinking so much about Heaven. I will talk about that next time because it's possible for all of us to one day be at rest and in peace. Please know that.
Peace
--Free
This is one of my favorite songs. I especially like to hear it when I have lost another loved one.
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