This is a copy of what I posted yesterday on my blog FreeBeingFree
Not many people will understand this at first, but I feel so sorry for Donald Trump. My heart is almost breaking for that man. Let me explain why I say this.
In my life, I have felt mean and vindictive. In those times, I was not happy with myself. I wasn't even that aware of my own pride or ignorance or stupidity. I've been a Christian for a long time but I have only been experiencing the Christian mindset for a short while - 6 or 7 years or so. Before then, I was still too full of myself to let God fully inhabit me. I was easily hurt by slights from others and just by the world not being fair - or in being adequately in awe of me.
I was always chasing happiness and I finally caught it.
These days, I spend a lot of time accepting what life is. It's not perfect or even totally bearable at times but I am here to live it. Because I am forgiven, I have peace. And being forgiven doesn't mean I don't still get my feelings hurt; it doesn't mean that I don't have many regrets over things that I can replay over and over in my mind on bad days; it doesn't mean that I don't still struggle a lot with my emotions. Being forgiven means just that. My sins are forgiven but I still live with the consequences daily.
Donald Trump is someone I can feel sympathy for because he is, after all, just another human being. I don't believe that someone who reacts to life and other people the way that he does is truly at peace. I've been there.
There is a song I remember from the days I spent in a Pentecostal church. I left that church and the people of that church, but I always think of the words from that song as being the truest lyrics I know:
"This joy I have, the world didn't give it to me. The world didn't give it and the world can't take it away."
Those are the lyrics most people think of when they think of that song but my favorite part is about "this peace I have" that the world didn't give and can't take away.
For me, peace is the bonus that came with the salvation the Lord gave me. It's my manna or "daily bread". It's what I have in my soul in spite of any stress or depression my body or mind might go through.
A few years back I watched a documentary about a woman suffering from mental illness. After she left the care of an institution, she spent months squatting in a vacant house and died from exposure during the cold of winter. She kept a journal and the title of the documentary was taken from what she wrote: "God knows where I am."
I was in such a shaky place in my own life at that time - grieving and lost and under spiritual attack - that I related deeply to that dear woman's story. I was sad and in a lot of emotional despair but I immediately understood just what she meant: God knows where I am. And that is my peace.
I want Trump to know that God knows where he is - in his frustration and pride and pain and needs. I want him to feel the beauty of God's forgiveness and love. I want him to feel what I feel when I read these words from Psalm 139:1-6.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
So, yes, I still get angry with Trump. I rant and rave when he says or does another cruel or ignorant thing. Still, I come back to the thought that God loves him just as He loves me. God wants Trump to have peace. He wants all of us to have peace. He doesn't want us to be hurting and angry and mean and blind. - or even brilliant and successful and kind but still blind. And that is why I have made a commitment to pray for this man. I know that people prayed for me.
Finally, let me borrow from pop culture lingo to clarify something about Christianity: this is not a religion, it's a lifestyle. Jesus was anti-religion and he wasn't about institutions and pomp. Jesus didn't come to build committees and choirs and church boards. Jesus was born, lived, died, and then rose and he did all of that for me, for you, and for Trump. So, while we still live, let's pray for one another.
Peace
--Free
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