Human but Not Hopeless

 In my daily reading today, I ran across a couple of verses that especially struck me hard. My reading was Psalms 106 - 107. Here are the verses  I did second-takes over:

• Psalm 106:32  "They angered him at the waters of Meribah, and it went ill with Moses on their account"...

My thought was: a fit of momentary anger - a heat-of-the-moment reaction - cost Moses being able to go into the Promised Land. The same people that he had stood between and begged mercy for so many times (Psalm 106:23 for example) when they had angered God are the same people that cost him this. 

I am a better person in my older age but I once had a horrible temper. I was very quick to get offended and I had the ugly habit of slapping people. I don't know how I made it to this age without someone killing me for hitting them like that. There are people who are in prison or sitting on Death Row for something they might have done in a flash of anger. 

• Psalm 106: 35-36 ..." but they mixed with the nations and learned to do as they did. They served their idols, which became a snare to them."

My mother and father raised me to be polite and upstanding. When I got to be a teenager, I began to rebel a bit. I was polite and I was, for the most part, upstanding. But I was fascinated with other teens who were not raised as I had been. I started smoking as a teenager after a friend let me try her cigarette. Her parents used to purchase a carton for her at the military commissary when they purchased their own. At first, I was just experimenting with smoking - to see how it tasted and felt - then I thought it made me look less goody-goody and made me more acceptable to other kids. I didn't quit smoking for good until about two and a half years ago. I still sometimes crave the ritual of lighting a fresh cigarette and enjoying the inhale/exhale routine. That's about 41 years of a bad habit that started with "I'll just try it once".

• Psa 107:13-14  "Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart."

This is one of many parts of the Bible where I immediately think, "This is my testimony!"

Although I was "raised in the Church", I didn't always understand what "being delivered" meant. When I actually turned to God with all my heart, I finally realized what it means to be free. I'm not free of debt, illness, or any suffering in general. But I am free. I have been brought out of the darkness that I was in. I no longer live under the shadow of death. I no longer have my hopes based on how much money I have in the bank, my looks, my intelligence, my own personal ability to withstand life. I rest in every promise that God has made to me.

It's hard for me to explain what I mean but while I am still bound to this body and it's weakness, I am free. While I am still bound to money or lack of money because of bills and a need for food and shelter, I am free. While I need treatment for illness attacking my body, I am free. While I know that I am going to die one day, I am free.

God has burst my bonds apart. I am no longer in the distress I lived in for so long.

Before I accepted Christ as my Redeemer, my life was like a teeter-totter. If things were good on the money front, the family front, the relationship front - I was balanced and well. If one of those things slipped, I had to totter some of the weight and importance on one of the other things to maintain balance. A few times, I lost my balance and very nearly fell off. I have contemplated suicide. I have lived so high up in worldly joys that I felt invincible.  With Christ covering me, I no longer have to keep my balance. I am held steady and true in my soul. 

I don't want anyone reading this to think that I don't still suffer from depression or fear or worry. The change is that I never, ever feel hopeless. 

Sorry if I went off on a little rant, but I always want to share how secure it feels to be under God's wings. This world is a hard place sometimes and I want everyone to find the hope that I have been blessed with.

"Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings".

(Psalm 17:8)

I will try to remember to share what one commentary had to say about God protecting us the way the eagle protects her young. It was beautiful.

Peace

--Free