Watching the Door

 My very best friend in this whole world is laying on her deathbed as I write this. I want to give hope to anyone who is or will be in this situation.

As I am thinking of my friend, I am sad for myself and her family but I am happy for her. I sit here, praying for her not to be afraid as I imagine what she may be thinking. I imagine her watching as the door to her next life is slowly opening.

Is she trying to imagine that new life? Is she anxious because Death is so looming? 

Years ago, when my sister died, I wondered these same things. I sat just feet from where she lay, missing her before she was gone. I had so many things to wonder about. Was she not just unresponsive but already walking through the Door? Was she already feeling the peace that we are promised? Was I only seeing what was left of her and not her?

My friend and I have talked quite a lot about death. We are When she became a Christian, one of the first things she told me was that she had never felt truly happy until that moment. The other thing she said was that she agreed with what I've always said about death - that I'm not afraid of being dead, it's the getting dead that I get anxious about.

Of course, like most people, we always hoped that death would come to us softly and quietly in our sleep. I think I said to her once that I believe God will make sure that we are not afraid. I know I have always thought that. I want to think that God will escort us out of this life gently - no matter how we came to watch that Door.

I will be forever thankful to a member of my friend's family. She made sure to call me and put the phone up to my friend's ear so that I could tell her how much I love her. And my friend, who is having trouble speaking, tried to tell me she loves me too. It was hard to understand her but I did get to hear her voice one more time. That comforts me and makes me sad.

My friend is one of the sweetest, kindest, most loving people I have ever known. That's not a pithy announcement, but the truest thing I can tell anyone about her. She has always had a heart for people and never liked to see anyone sad or suffering.

Her laugh was always amazing because she is such a ladylike person but her humor is off the charts wild. I have a big guffawing and very unladylike laugh. She has a musical, movie-character laugh - if that character is a regal matriarch. Still, while I was always throwing back my head and letting go with a belly-shaking laugh, she was somehow laughing harder than I but looking so much more presentable.

It's been a while since we had one of our hours'-long phone calls. I was trying to remember the last time we talked and the last time that we went into one of our laughing fits. I think it was several months back - maybe even at the beginning of 2020 or the end of 2019 - when she made me laugh so hard that I literally dropped my phone.

That time was when she relayed a conversation she was having with her sister (so my sister, too, by default!) about something or other. When my friend got to the part of the story where she was trying to tell where she had parked, she couldn't grasp the right word. She fumbled around until she finally explained she'd parked, "You know, where they stack the cars." Without missing a beat, her sister was able to translate that to the parking garage.

One time when she was telling me about a shopping trip downtown, she mentioned seeing the most beautiful woman ever. This was a woman dressed in culturally traditional attire. My friend said that the woman looked like she'd stepped from some gorgeous painting and she described her as an "ornamental" lady.

Ornamental?

I'm not as quick as my friend's sister so it took me a while before I realized my friend meant to say "Oriental lady". When I corrected her, she said, well she was beautiful enough that she really was ornamental. Although my friend was being complimentary, I was just thankful that she had not said this to the woman!

For all the 30-some years I've known her, my friend has been a spiffy dresser. She wouldn't go out to her driveway without being put together. Even in casual attire, she always looked magazine cover ready. Hair, face, jewelry- everything was pin neat and pretty. It's a testament to her gracious heart that she hung around with me. I lived in jeans and heels. I thought was dressing up when I pulled out one of my nice handbags. My friend bought really quality items and had things in every size she'd been for twenty years.

Once, my mother had some kind of fancy dress event to attend. I mentioned to my friend that after work I was going to take Mom shopping for an outfit to wear that weekend. She told me not to bother. After talking to my mother (they adored each other), my friend prepared an outfit - dress, slip, shoes, jewelry, and other accessories - and gave them to me to take home for mom. Afterward, when I thanked her and said I would have everything cleaned and returned, she looked at me like I was crazy. She was giving those things to my mother to keep.

For a while, every year, the company we worked for gave out Turkey dinner baskets to all the employees during the winter holidays. One year, they did something different decided to throw a more elaborate company party at a hotel.

I didn't notice what a disappointment that was to some employees. My friend pointed out that some people really looked forward to - and maybe depended on - those free Thanksgiving and Christmas turkey dinner baskets. There was a really young woman in particular who sat next to my friend at work. I guess she was struggling a bit as a single mom who lived away from family or any kind of personal network of friends. This young lady was, sadly, a widow with a little boy.

Fast forward in time a bit and my friend transferred to a different department. That young woman then mentioned to me what a kind woman my friend was. She then told me how my friend had waited for her before work in the parking lot back around Christmas time. While no one was looking, my friend loaded "bags and bags" of groceries and a couple of gift-wrapped items into that girl's car. 

That's the kind of lady my friend has always been. Once she became a Christian, she really yearned to be generous and kind, especially to anyone less fortunate than herself. She gave to people at her church, she donated so many items to a shop that supported a shelter for women and children that she got a thank you call. Apparently, because of all the many items she'd donated, that place was not in the same danger of closing that it had been.

I've already blogged about the time she saved my life by taking me in when I was in an abusive marriage. She nursed me in my shaky mental and physical health. She protected me. She watched over me until I was well enough to travel back home to Alaska.

I know that I have gone on and on in this post but I needed to get this down in writing. Not for anyone but myself. I don't want to forget this day. I don't want to let Death swallow up all my good memories of my friend. 

I can't be with her as she waits and watches that Door so I just want to pour out the love I have for her.

It's been said so much it's almost meaningless but I will say it again: love your friends, hold them close and cherish them. Make sure they know how much you love and cherish them. I am so thankful that my friend and I always ended calls with "I love you, sissy".

I can hear my friend's voice so clearly in my head as I remember how she called me "Trudy-girl" or "sister-girl". 

She never failed to make me feel valuable - even when I felt so worthless and down. She never failed to make me laugh so hard that I dropped my phone or was in danger of wetting myself.  

She was there for me when I lost my mother and my brother and my sister. She was there for me when I made this big, scary move away from Alaska to an unfamiliar place.

 She was there when I was once whacked out on steroids and called her but could only cry. She just held the phone and let me cry. 

She was there when I had no one else things that I needed to say out loud. She has always been there. Scripture comforts me as I look at possibly waking up tomorrow without her in this world.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.  - Revelation 21:4

 Peace

--Free

P.S.: My friend died at 2:44 the other morning. I will miss her, but I am glad she is out of all the pain.