Atmosphere and Moods

 Actually, it's been one of those weeks so, please, allow me to rant.

I feel tired and worn and sad and gray and blue and blank. My mood is heavy and weighted and wet and stormy. 

While talking to my neighbor yesterday, we both decided that, no matter how much we want to think otherwise, we are too affected by the people around us. And we are both pretty hermit-like.

When I first moved into this building, people were quieter, more polite, and stayed to themselves - or within their own little cliques. It was good. You could be social enough to briefly socialize while checking your mail in the lobby or sharing the laundry room or you could enjoy a bubble of solitude while having a coffee or reading the paper in the common room. It was a live-and-let-live kind of place. These days, people are nosier, gossipy-er, more bird-ish, and snoopy. 

My neighbor's past couple of weeks has been as bad as mine. While not as hermit-like as I am (she does most of her socializing outside the building), she likes to keep herself to herself as far as what's happening in her life. Apparently, the other day, she got wind of something that had been murmured about her. Something about her thinking she was "queen of the building". (She is the sort of person who tries to be kind and helpful when she can.) She told me how badly stung she felt by this rumor.

I - who am definitely very much the hermit - rarely socialize past the greeting-weather-apology sort of chat. I might on occasion ask someone about whether or not they heard any news about a local happening. I rarely know or care if or what my neighbors might be saying about me. However, the mood here has gotten a bit more high-schoolish. I am have occasionally noticed (or imagined) that someone might have looked at me funny and started or stopped whispering when I came into their view. The funny thing is, I never cared before. Before - maybe before the last eight months or a year or so - people here were, as I said, a bit more polite.

When my neighbor told me about her hurt feelings, I commiserated with her about how much better the atmosphere of the building used to be. And I realized that I might be more affected by the changes than I'd previously thought.

Maybe I am just feeling the effects of the quarantine. Don't get me wrong, like a lot of introverts, I am sort of good at being quarantined.

But not good Christianity

For the most part. The problem is, this lockdown might be the reason for other people behaving less civilly. And that might be causing me problems.

This makes me think of Proverbs 6:16-19 (my emphasis):

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,   a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil,  a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. 

I realize that not all of my neighbors are my Christian brethren but you would think that in a crisis, most people would become kinder and more neighborly. Wasn't it a thing once that hardship created friendship? Or am I delusional and having false memories about social history?

Now that I think about it, most of the people I know are starting to show the wear and tear of this global health crisis. 

One person I'm really close to recently told me that they actually feel under spiritual attack. They used those words: spiritual attack. And they weren't being dramatic. We prayed together and have promised to remain more prayerful. Like me, they seem to be under a weight of weariness.

If this crisis we are living in and under is going to be around for a while,  how are we to adjust to it? We better learn to adjust our moods and atmospheres. At the very least, I better develop some better coping strategies. My emotional health in the past several years has relied on a delicate balance of prayer and medications. Am I going to have to add to that arsenal?

Spiritual attack. That is not an exaggeration. I think the person I mentioned has touched on what might be my problem as well as his. Attack from the Enemy.

So I have turned to Ephesians 6:12 for guidance and I realize that while I had been focusing on the people who I saw as being the problem, I forgot the root of or the power behind the problem:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

More importantly, I have to remember that there is an answer to the problem. Still in Ephesians 6, in verses 13-18 (with my emphasis):

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. 

So, let all of us Christian siblings pray for each other and be uplifting and encouraging. 

My plan now is to start focusing on the power behind the problem because, for the saved and unsaved, that is the real Enemy.

Peace

--Free

Prophecy and Converging

 After watching a film on Amazon Prime called The Coming Convergence, I had to re-think my attitude about what has been 2020-2021 - or 20 and 21, as I now think of the period.

When the pandemic hit, a lot of us were stunned at how fast life could go from bad to worse. People in some countries are used to severe hardship. There are places where it's the norm to be without an adequate food supply, water, basic items for personal care and grooming, and so many of the things we Americans take not only for granted but for our natural-born right. All my life I have seen those photos of starving babies in other parts of the world. When our local stores ran out of toilet paper and bottled water, I almost began contemplating what the end of the world would be like.

As things have gone on since the beginning of this "global crisis" we are currently in, I have worried. I worried about my personal health and safety. When the country put itself under attack by citizens divided by race and politics, I grew disheartened. 

For the first time in my 50 plus - okay 60 - years, I got a taste of just how wearying life must be for people in countries who have always known war or hunger or danger from within.

And, of course, as a Christian, I reminded myself to pray but I have realized that I was praying for the wrong things. I have been praying for the pandemic to go away, for the world to return to "normal", and for my country to be somewhat reunited. What I was not doing was praying as the Lord taught.

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily bread.And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

When I stopped to think about that, I went a little deeper. If I look at each line, I see that I have been praying my own way and wanting things to be better by my own standards.  If I go back to the Lord's Prayer and look at each line, I see more clearly.

After this manner therefore pray ye: 

The Lord himself showed us how and what to pray. So often, I have prayed my own way and for my own wants and needs. Long prayers that reflect me. Probably most of us Christians pray in the same way. 20 and 21 has shown what our prayers get us.

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Not, me or us or we, but our Father. While a lot of us wish for success and fame and renown - something to make our mortal lives somehow indelible and remembered immortally - it is the Lord's name that is holy and special and is to be revered. Not used to spice up our curses and make us sound witty and snappy. 

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

And this is the part I forgot about while I worried about what the pandemic could mean to our lives. The Lord's kingdom is coming. His will - his, not ours - will be done, here on earth. We can kick and scream and try to outsmart our way to live on other planets and in whatever dimensions we discover. We can build towers of science and medicine and technology until we run out of intelligence and materials to do so. The Lord's will is the endgame.

Give us this day our daily bread.

Not tomorrow's or next week's. You know, the "tomorrow" that might not come. While we are stockpiling for times that might never come for us, we forget the now. There are even Christian ministries selling people freeze-dried foods and survival gear for some unknown time to come. We worry so much about tomorrow that we forget to be grateful for today, for this very moment. We can find a million things to wish for without ever once saying Thank You, Father.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

This is a big fault of mine. Neglecting the command to forgive as I have been forgiven. Always thinking that there will be more time to "get around to" telling someone I love them. For letting go of grudges and slights. In this time when even those of us living in the most privileged nations have seen the pandemic take the lives of the young and healthy and most unlikely to die suddenly. In this past month, one family member has lost a friend in their forties and another has a best friend in their early thirties in a coma and on life support. And I can still forget that even if there are a lot more tomorrows left, they might not be left for me or my loved ones.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil:

Am I not still temped every moment of every day? Should I not, now more than ever, be asking for the Lord to deliver me from all the evil surrounding me?

 For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. 

The Lord's kingdom, His power, and His glory. Not mine or the world leaders, the scientists, doctors, billionaire wonders who are trying to conquer space and beyond.

Amen.

So be it. It will be. No matter what I want or how I live.

Understand that I'm not a Bible scholar. I just read and study my Bible and pray for understanding. These thoughts on the Prayer are my own observations and reminders to myself. 

And that movie that I spoke of? It's just a reminder that we have been heading to this point and toward a conclusion from the very moment that Satan roamed through the Garden.

The movie is a take on the potential demise of the earth - as prophesied in the Bible. While some reviewers take issue with some of the specific details, the point is, the end of all this is prophesied.

Even if you take issue with the movie's details, there is no denying - even for the most secular among you - that the Bible prophesied where we have been and where we are headed. The wars we have endured - prophesied. The rise and fall of kingdoms, the trials tribulations, and startling revival of the Jewish people - prophesied. 

If you lay out the prophecies of the Bible on one table and lay out secular history books on another, you can walk through the fulfillment of each one to this time in our recorded existence. What about the secular history yet to be noted? What about the days to come?

For anyone who has never taken a look at what the Bible has to say about what has been and what will be, this might be a good time to do so. For those of us who have taken a look, this might be a good time to live as is we believe. The other option is to live as if you don't believe or don't care. The fulfillment of the Bible and the Lord's will is not dependent on our belief or acceptance. Any gift can be refused. Any warning can be ignored. 

For anyone wanting to accept the gift, it's simple. I copied this from a site that addresses many of the questions people have about Christianity.

This simple, yet profound, question is the most important question that can be asked. "How can I be saved?" deals with where we will spend eternity after our lives in this world are over. There is no more important issue than our eternal destiny. Thankfully, the Bible is abundantly clear on how a person can be saved. The Philippian jailer asked Paul and Silas, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” (Acts 16:30). Paul and Silas responded, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31).

While we worry about our material possessions - our homes and cars - what about our souls? We plan for retirement and illness and our children's education. What about our souls? 

If you don't have a Bible, there are free resources available online. There is the Blue Letter Bible, Bible Gateway (with an audio version), and eSword - which is what I use on my computer because of all the commentaries and dictionaries and the ability to journal and take notes. Those are just some of many. Or you can write to places to get a free copy. This is just one source I found while Googling "where to get a free copy of the Bible".

Please share the message of the Gospel - that Jesus lived then died for us and rose on the third day. Share with people as if it's the last chance you will be able to share it. 

Peace

--Free

Blessings I Forget To Count

The other day, I started sliding into one of my every-now-and-then-funks. I have put on 5 pounds, I need to deep condition my hair, and my meds made me sicker than usual. Yeah. And it was the 5 pounds that hit me hardest. I was struggling to zip my best pair of jeans and had to suck in deep to make that work. That sent me into an immediate sob session.

So, when I finished crying, I felt slightly better but was still determined to avoid looking in the mirror for a while. I was psyching myself up to practice better eating habits (at least for the day) and as I made a list of some fruits and vegetables to order for the week, a realization hit me.

I am so spoiled by the many blessings in my life that I often forget to count some of them. Or I tally them in the wrong column - under Trials instead of under Blessings.

I stood there in the kitchen, looking into a decently stocked fridge and chastised myself. Instead of ordering produce, I spent some time thanking God for the blessings I had just been crying over. This reminds me of the First World Problems community on Reddit. 

How dare I worry about gaining 5 pounds when there are people who aren't eating? I'm fat because I have an abundance of food. I just need to choose healthier meals. I can't get into my "best" jeans but I have enough clothing to call some of them my best or worst or too small, or too big, or - and this is shameful - too "dressy".

This quarantine situation is only "boring" to me because I am tired of my TV, computer, tablet, books, music, and peace and quiet. I can't imagine the people in this world that would give just about anything to have one of those luxuries. Just to live in a peaceful environment is worth all the fame and gold there is.

I'm sick from my medication because I live in a country where medication is available for my condition. I'm not some poor, diseased orphan, sitting around uncared for and dying of neglect. I have family and friends who care about my health and sanity, God help them. I go to a hospital with trained and equipped professionals who make it their mission to keep me alive and in a decent quality of life.

Every now and then, I have to remind myself to stop hanging my head in sorrow so that I can look up in joy. The other day, I forgot for a moment to count all these blessings. And, even when I am dealing with serious trials - you know, more serious than a blow to my vanity - I need to remember this:

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces [a]patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be [b]perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.(James 1:2-8 NKJV)

If the past several weeks have taught me anything it's that life can change in the blink of an eye. We should take nothing for granted - not the blessings or the trials we live with. This current situation might not be the beginning of the "last days" but we are each going to face our own personal last day at some point. Let's never forget to enjoy each pleasure and blessing because it could be for the last time. I want to live every moment of my life in thankfulness and hope.

Speaking of this global situation we are dealing with, I am truly thankful for it. Because of the pandemic, there are a lot of people having serious discussions online about life and death. More people are thinking about their eternity. Right now, I am so blessed to know what mine holds.

To end this post on a humorous note, I saw this meme going around about quarantined parents. I almost broke a rib laughing!

If you are going a little stir crazy, I have posted some resources over on Being Free.

Peace
--Free