I was thinking about how I sometimes seesaw between strength and weakness in my behavior. Some days, I find it easier to withstand temptation. Some days, I fold - elaborately and elegantly like a work of origami.
There are moments in my life when I find the wrong things so lovely and enchanting - not to my soul but to my flesh. Usually, these moments involve something or someone that I know is not having a positive influence on me but... it or they, are so... beautiful and intriguing. One day last week, I watched a movie with my neighbor who is a fan of the late Susan Sarandon. I'm not a Sarandon fan but I spent the rest of the week thinking about the absolutely startling gorgeousness of the male co-star. I would find myself randomly remembering his perfect mouth and the amazing color of his eyes. It was frightening to me that I could be so entranced by a total stranger. On. A. Television. Screen. That's not healthy in any way.
Recently, I was thinking about my late best friend and a conversation we had six or seven years back. She was still one foot in and one foot out of "the world". She had come to realize that, while she now believed in what she called "a higher power", she had yet to decide what that power was. I reminded her that Evil is powerful. It's temporarily soothing. When you are undecided, Evil looks good, feels good, tastes good. When you are undecided, Evil - in your mind - is good. I advised her to make a decision and reminded her that we worship whatever we give power to.
Remembering that conversation often helps bring me back from my own wanderings. I think I gave my friend some good advice when I told her to read the Bible, pray, and meditate on what feels or seems good vs what truly is good. Give your heart and soul to what you worship.
I try to focus on and take that same advice for myself. I often need to do just that.
It's when I start to get caught up in my emotions - "get all up in my feelings", is what my younger family members call this - I have to remember that what I feel isn't always a good thing. Of course, my feelings are real and a part of me, but feelings are fickle. Something can make me feel good while slowly killing me.
When I was a smoker, I loved smoking. I loved the way the nicotine made me feel. By the way, whenever I remember my days as a smoker, I recall this scene from "Frasier":
When I was younger, sex was exquisite - whether it was with a spouse or not and whether or not it was happening for the best reasons or not. And here are scenes from the movie that left me wanting to commit every kind of immorality.
I, like a lot of people, forget that Satan (or what I prefer to call Evil) is the ruler of this world. We belong to God, but this age and this world do not. When Satan tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, the Lord did not dispute Satan's claim to the "kingdoms of the world", did he?
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.
And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry.
And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.”
But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread along, but on every world that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’ ”
Then the devil took Him into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and *said to Him,
“If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you’; and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ”
Jesus said to him, “On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ”
Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him,
“All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, And serve Him only.’ ”
Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him. (Matthew 4:1-11 NASB1995) (my bold)
For now, this is Evil's kingdom. Evil has reign and rules over most of what we see around us. We Christians live in this world and among its many lovely temptations: beautiful people who don't believe in the God we serve; music, art, and entertainment that does not glorify - and often despises - Him; sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And it's sometimes so lovely and delicious.
Every day, I am Eve back and in the Garden, being tempted. Every day, I am trying not to make the mistake of accepting a taste of the sweetest of sin. Some days, I walk away, shaky and starved for what I remember feeling so wonderful. And some days, I am accepting a nibble, a bite, or I end up trying to gorge myself on a whole feast of whatever feels good at that moment.
My soul belongs to God but so often my feelings and my appetite belong to this present kingdom. I am just now reminded of the Guns and Roses album title, "Appetite for Destruction".
The struggle truly is real. The struggle to stay focused on more than yesterday, today, or tomorrow. My struggle is to think of eternity. To live for eternity.
Peace
--Free
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