Distraction Junkie (and Breaking the Habit)

 Like many Americans, I am a distraction junkie. There are some things I avoid because they are not healthy or helpful. But there is so much to avoid!

One day, I took the time to think about all the ways I spend my free time in a day. Reading or listening to the news and checking my phone; scanning social media and blog posting; watching entertainment (via online videos and streaming services); thinking about things that are not useful to my mental health or growth as a Christian; and doing Bible study. Sadly, Bible study came in last place.

I've been spending my free time in such an unbalanced and unhealthy way - for a Christian.

Here's how I know any of my time should be spent - sort of a daily to-do list:

1. Prayer and Bible study.
2. Critically thinking about any news I read or listen to.
3. Sharing my faith in some way.
4. Checking up with (or in on) friends and family.
5. Glancing at the news - just to know what major things are going on.

If there is time after that, I could write blog posts and scan social media - and that last part is not and should not be a loss if I don't get around to it.

I have allowed myself to become conditioned to live my life the way society doesn't mind. "Going along to get along", as my mother used to say. She would tell me that when I was in high school and wanted to do something because "all the other kids get to". It's not that she didn't want me to enjoy my teenage years. She just wanted me to have good reasons for why I wanted to do things.

These past few days, as I think about time and how little of it we have, I am trying to remember to ask myself why I want to do whatever it is I'm thinking of doing. I need to make that a habit.

Not only should I want to understand why I want to do something at a given time - read the news or scan social media, etc. - but also is it good for me at that moment. 

One blessing of having sarcoidosis is that I do have to think so much sometimes about how to do something. A lot of simple tasks take more concentration and focus. There was a time when I could knock out 3 or 4 blog posts at a time and schedule them to publish through the week. Now, on a good day, I can do one blog post and make sure it's clear and (mostly) free of glaring grammatical errors. (By the way, "big ups" to Grammarly!) 

Part of my problem is that I feel a bit ADHD and yet sluggish-minded. At the same time. LOL. It's a real thing, people. 

So. What does all of this mean?

I guess I'm trying to say that I have become aware of a problem and am trying to solve it. The problem is that I'm not spending enough time on the things that matter the most. The solution is so very simple: spend more time on the things that matter the most. 

I have come up with a plan. I need to create a habit of putting first things first. Bible study and prayer before anything else and then the other 4 things on my daily "to-do" list.

Putting the news last might be the biggest benefit to my mental health. That is where the biggest distractions are. The news these days if full of the worst of the worst and I'm not even talking about the natural disasters or crimes but politicians acting like unruly children and celebrities doing "the most" and some for more attention.

God is in control. Of everything that is going on around us. My worrying about it all can't change men's hearts or behaviors. But I can pray. I can study God's Word to understand why things are the way they are. I can read His Word to fortify myself with the promises He's given to those of us who follow Jesus. 

I'm trying to stop being a distraction junkie and become a more prayerful and mature Christian.

Peace

--Free

Daily Struggles

 I was thinking about how I sometimes seesaw between strength and weakness in my behavior. Some days, I find it easier to withstand temptation. Some days, I fold - elaborately and elegantly like a work of origami.

There are moments in my life when I find the wrong things so lovely and enchanting - not to my soul but to my flesh. Usually, these moments involve something or someone that I know is not having a positive influence on me but... it or they, are so... beautiful and intriguing. One day last week, I watched a movie with my neighbor who is a fan of the late Susan Sarandon. I'm not a Sarandon fan but I spent the rest of the week thinking about the absolutely startling gorgeousness of the male co-star. I would find myself randomly remembering his perfect mouth and the amazing color of his eyes. It was frightening to me that I could be so entranced by a total stranger.  On. A. Television. Screen. That's not healthy in any way.

Recently, I was thinking about my late best friend and a conversation we had six or seven years back. She was still one foot in and one foot out of "the world". She had come to realize that, while she now believed in what she called "a higher power", she had yet to decide what that power was. I reminded her that Evil is powerful. It's temporarily soothing. When you are undecided, Evil looks good, feels good, tastes good. When you are undecided, Evil - in your mind - is good. I advised her to make a decision and reminded her that we worship whatever we give power to.

Remembering that conversation often helps bring me back from my own wanderings. I think I gave my friend some good advice when I told her to read the Bible, pray, and meditate on what feels or seems good vs what truly is good. Give your heart and soul to what you worship. 

I try to focus on and take that same advice for myself. I often need to do just that.

It's when I start to get caught up in my emotions - "get all up in my feelings", is what my younger family members call this - I have to remember that what I feel isn't always a good thing. Of course, my feelings are real and a part of me, but feelings are fickle. Something can make me feel good while slowly killing me.

When I was a smoker, I loved smoking. I loved the way the nicotine made me feel. By the way, whenever I remember my days as a smoker,  I recall this scene from "Frasier":

When I was younger, sex was exquisite - whether it was with a spouse or not and whether or not it was happening for the best reasons or not. And here are scenes from the movie that left me wanting to commit every kind of immorality.

I, like a lot of people, forget that Satan (or what I prefer to call Evil) is the ruler of this world. We belong to God, but this age and this world do not. When Satan tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, the Lord did not dispute Satan's claim to the "kingdoms of the world", did he?

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 

And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. 

And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” 

But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread along, but on every world that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’ ”

Then the devil took Him into the holy city and had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, and *said to Him,

 “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you’; and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ” 

Jesus said to him, “On the other hand, it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’ ” 

Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him,

 “All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me.” 

Then Jesus said to him, “Go, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, And serve Him only.’ ” 

Then the devil left Him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him. (Matthew 4:1-11 NASB1995) (my bold)

For now, this is Evil's kingdom. Evil has reign and rules over most of what we see around us. We Christians live in this world and among its many lovely temptations: beautiful people who don't believe in the God we serve; music, art, and entertainment that does not glorify - and often despises -  Him; sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And it's sometimes so lovely and delicious.

Every day, I am Eve back and in the Garden, being tempted. Every day, I am trying not to make the mistake of accepting a taste of the sweetest of sin. Some days, I walk away, shaky and starved for what I remember feeling so wonderful. And some days, I am accepting a nibble, a bite, or I end up trying to gorge myself on a whole feast of whatever feels good at that moment.

My soul belongs to God but so often my feelings and my appetite belong to this present kingdom. I am just now reminded of the Guns and Roses album title, "Appetite for Destruction". 

The struggle truly is real. The struggle to stay focused on more than yesterday, today, or tomorrow. My struggle is to think of eternity. To live for eternity.

Peace

--Free

Atmosphere and Moods

 Actually, it's been one of those weeks so, please, allow me to rant.

I feel tired and worn and sad and gray and blue and blank. My mood is heavy and weighted and wet and stormy. 

While talking to my neighbor yesterday, we both decided that, no matter how much we want to think otherwise, we are too affected by the people around us. And we are both pretty hermit-like.

When I first moved into this building, people were quieter, more polite, and stayed to themselves - or within their own little cliques. It was good. You could be social enough to briefly socialize while checking your mail in the lobby or sharing the laundry room or you could enjoy a bubble of solitude while having a coffee or reading the paper in the common room. It was a live-and-let-live kind of place. These days, people are nosier, gossipy-er, more bird-ish, and snoopy. 

My neighbor's past couple of weeks has been as bad as mine. While not as hermit-like as I am (she does most of her socializing outside the building), she likes to keep herself to herself as far as what's happening in her life. Apparently, the other day, she got wind of something that had been murmured about her. Something about her thinking she was "queen of the building". (She is the sort of person who tries to be kind and helpful when she can.) She told me how badly stung she felt by this rumor.

I - who am definitely very much the hermit - rarely socialize past the greeting-weather-apology sort of chat. I might on occasion ask someone about whether or not they heard any news about a local happening. I rarely know or care if or what my neighbors might be saying about me. However, the mood here has gotten a bit more high-schoolish. I am have occasionally noticed (or imagined) that someone might have looked at me funny and started or stopped whispering when I came into their view. The funny thing is, I never cared before. Before - maybe before the last eight months or a year or so - people here were, as I said, a bit more polite.

When my neighbor told me about her hurt feelings, I commiserated with her about how much better the atmosphere of the building used to be. And I realized that I might be more affected by the changes than I'd previously thought.

Maybe I am just feeling the effects of the quarantine. Don't get me wrong, like a lot of introverts, I am sort of good at being quarantined.

But not good Christianity

For the most part. The problem is, this lockdown might be the reason for other people behaving less civilly. And that might be causing me problems.

This makes me think of Proverbs 6:16-19 (my emphasis):

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,   a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil,  a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. 

I realize that not all of my neighbors are my Christian brethren but you would think that in a crisis, most people would become kinder and more neighborly. Wasn't it a thing once that hardship created friendship? Or am I delusional and having false memories about social history?

Now that I think about it, most of the people I know are starting to show the wear and tear of this global health crisis. 

One person I'm really close to recently told me that they actually feel under spiritual attack. They used those words: spiritual attack. And they weren't being dramatic. We prayed together and have promised to remain more prayerful. Like me, they seem to be under a weight of weariness.

If this crisis we are living in and under is going to be around for a while,  how are we to adjust to it? We better learn to adjust our moods and atmospheres. At the very least, I better develop some better coping strategies. My emotional health in the past several years has relied on a delicate balance of prayer and medications. Am I going to have to add to that arsenal?

Spiritual attack. That is not an exaggeration. I think the person I mentioned has touched on what might be my problem as well as his. Attack from the Enemy.

So I have turned to Ephesians 6:12 for guidance and I realize that while I had been focusing on the people who I saw as being the problem, I forgot the root of or the power behind the problem:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

More importantly, I have to remember that there is an answer to the problem. Still in Ephesians 6, in verses 13-18 (with my emphasis):

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. 

So, let all of us Christian siblings pray for each other and be uplifting and encouraging. 

My plan now is to start focusing on the power behind the problem because, for the saved and unsaved, that is the real Enemy.

Peace

--Free

Something to Study On: Age of Deceit

 There is an interesting series of videos from the Koinonia House YouTube channel called "The Age of Deceit". While watching Part 6, my brain was so flooded with questions that I had to slow down the playback speed so I could take notes.

Here is the video:

Here are some of the questions and thoughts that I noted and will be studying:

• How then should churches be set up?
• Jesus had the first "mega-church" when he was teaching thousands. He didn't need anything to "entertain" the people; he simply spoke.
• I need to check out that World Christian Encyclopedia (which I'd never heard of before now).
• Perhaps one of the things that "turn off" some seeking people from Christianity is the way we have complicated things with churches and worship.
• Is it Nicolaitan then to have Bishops and a variety of clergy - or anything other than the teachers/preachers?

I keep a notebook of questions and thoughts like these because my memory is so poor. When I am doing Bible Study, my notebook helps remind me of things I wanted to know more about. It's been a very helpful habit.

This video series is another one of the reminders that we need to always be discerning and prayerful about everything.

I just wanted to share this with you.

Peace

--Free

What Is It About God?

 The new season of the Netflix series "Lucifer" has aired. In one of the episodes, Sharon Osbourne plays herself and passes along her husband's gratitude to Lucifer for all of his help over the years.

Now I am already just kind of bemused that there is such a show and that it romanticizes Lucifer. The whole point of the show seems to be to portray the fallen angel as any other sexy and appealing bad boy. What really gets me is how many people like this show and don't seem to be bothered that it is about Lucifer. Here are some of the highlights:

• Just like the "hero" of any trendy plot, he has attracted a seemingly accomplished and smart woman who is in love with him to the point that she would cheerfully follow him into Hell.
• Some of the "good" angels (although only Michael and Gabriel are the only holy angels mentioned by name in the Holy Bible) are featured. One of them, 'Amenadiel' plays a major role. He's good but he's not; he's possibly fallen; he has a child with a human; he helps run a bar in Lucifer's absence. At one point, he babysits Hell for Lucifer.  His character is a muddling of truth and clear lines about anything.
• We are prodded into sympathy (not just for the Devil as Mick sings) for a demon named Maze as she deals with her very human-like issues of abandonment and a need for love.
• There is a trained psychologist who is the mother of Amenadiel's child, by the way. So, again, they are portraying smart, educated and, I guess, emotionally stable people as being fine with this whole Lucifer-is-a-good-guy scenario. 
• The psychologist has a conversation with the female demon and reassures her that they will be together eternally in Hell someday. The demon was fretting about losing people in her life.
• The idea of Lucifer being the Devil is often discussed in public - including the police station - with no one being surprised, upset, or even slightly curious about it

It goes on and on. And, of course, God is blasphemed with a giddy kind of confidence. I am not surprised by the people who are involved with the writing and production of the show. I shouldn't wonder about the actors but I can't help myself. I wonder if they are thinking that they are just earning a harmless paycheck or getting some television facetime. I wonder how much a career means to some people - like just how far will they go?

There is no reverence. This show doesn't even pretend not to be openly blasphemous and dismissive of God. I was so surprised when I heard a while back that there was even a "Save Lucifer" (get it?) campaign among fans to keep the show in production.

I was most surprised by some of the actors working on this series. I am guilty of sometimes assuming things about people I don't know. People in the public eye usually have the job of portraying themselves in a certain way and I will often buy into that facade. The first role I ever saw the actor D.B. Woodhouse in was as Melvin Franklin in that miniseries, The Temptations. As Franklin, Woodhouse was a gentle giant with a kind heart; someone you would think of as a church-raised mama's boy. 

What I did not know about this show before deciding to write this post is that it is based on a D.C. Comic character. 

So I come back around to this: What is it about God? Here are some things to think about as we live in a world that claims to be so "evolved" and among people who believe in their own immense intelligence and high morals.

• What is it about God that so many people claim not to believe in Him but constantly attack and blaspheme Him?
• Why is God under so much attack and ridicule but not Buddha or Allah or... name your other gods?
• If man doesn't believe in God, where do they think they get the idea of right and wrong? Was that something that 'evolved' with the ability to walk upright and think logically?
• If there is no God, as so many people believe, why not at least cut Christianity the same slack that is given to Scientology, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc.? 

The one thing that always hangs me up with understanding vehement atheists, agnostics, or former Christians is this: why is it so hard to believe in a God who created the universe while it's so easy to believe in ghosts, demons, and other supernatural phenomena?

I once worked with a woman who laughed when I talked about there being a literal unseen spirit world all around us. The same woman loved ghost stories and always dreamed of going on a ghost-hunting trek. She believed in the Ouija board and she talked often about her kitten who was very "sensitive" to things happening in her apartment. 

Did you understand what I just wrote? The woman who laughed at me for my beliefs in a spirit world was literally fascinated with the spirit world.

Can we just stop and consider for a moment how stubbornly illogical people can be? I am now convinced that disbelief in God is not really a matter of logic with most people. Some people would just rather not believe. 

One Bible teacher made the remark that, if you don't believe in the danger, you don't believe in the need for salvation. I wonder if some people aren't just afraid. Afraid that, if they dare believe, they will have to change on their own power; afraid that believing in God means obeying lots of complicated rules and rituals; afraid that they don't have what it takes to be a Christian.

All "it takes" to be a Christian is to admit that you are a sinner in need of salvation. That is it. You don't need your own strength or ability. If you come before Him and ask for salvation, God will take care of the rest.

I think that some people think that they will have time to come to salvation "later" - when they are old or sick or at their rock bottom. The problem is, we don't know if we will live to take our next breath. We don't have to watch for signs of "The End" or for some kind of doomsday signal; Our own personal "end" is coming at some point.

Please pray for those who are still not come under the blood of Jesus. Pray that they won't die in an accident or some fast illness before they have heard you tell them about the Lord.

Peace

--Free

Unanswered Prayers & Hidden Blessings

I often grab onto a specific thing from reading or studying the Bible. That thing - a particular passage or a piece of a lesson - will stay on my mind for days. Something in one of my recent Bible study sessions left me reflecting on the spiritual realm that exists around us - the angels we may have unwittingly entertained and demons we have been protected from. This stayed on my mind for days and I would just have to stop whatever I was doing to reflect on it for a moment. Sometimes, whatever I am meditating on will touch upon something in my life.

I was posting a review on Being Free the other day and, as I've been doing lately, I attached an INXS "The Stairs" music video at the end. Though it's not a Christian song (and the band's artwork was anything but Christian), it has lyrics that are so true to our everyday lives so I will post it here because it prompted the thought I want to talk about here.

For those who don't know, Hutchence, the vocalist and main songwriter for the band, died at a young age (37) from what most people think was a suicide while others speculate that it was something sordid that I won't mention. He had suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) a few years before and it apparently affected his mood and outlook on life. Suicide seems the more plausible cause of death, in my uneducated opinion. He was found deceased and alone in a hotel room in a busy Australian city. It looks as if he hanged himself. I remember hearing the news when it happened back in 1997 and thinking how sad it was.

As you can see from the video, the lyrics are haunting and a cause for reflection. On the video page, another viewer commented on how eerie it was that Hutchence's "Stairs" lyrics were similar to the way he died. I hadn't thought of that before but it's true.

(By the way, you are about to find out that I spent way too much time thinking about the celebrity crushes of my youth...)

Now, because this band was such a huge success back when I was in my thirties - Hutchence would now be about my age - and still keeping up with all things music, fashion, and celebrity, I knew a lot about his public life. For all his charm and politeness, Hutchence seemed to be a  very actively sexual womanizer. Women loved him - I and all my friends sure thought he was the hottest thing since Tobasco and would have been thrilled to have five minutes of his attention. He must have been nice to the women in his life because, even after he dumped them, they apparently kept up friendships with him. I never read of any woman badmouthing him. He was still the best of friends with his first serious girlfriend - to the point that she was the last person he called before he died.

I know one more thing about INXS. They, at one early point in their group life, almost became a Christian band. I think that had to do more with someone's idea of potential marketing than with any of the guys' spiritual leanings. I can only speculate. Again, I am in no position to comment on anyone's religious life. So, this is the part where I get back to my meditations on my Bible studies.

As I said, I had been thinking a lot about the unseen spiritual realm - our protections and potential predators. And I thought about all the times, I desired something that was never granted - aka unanswered prayers. Prayers for things I should never have been praying for in the first place.

INXS worked extremely hard and from young ages for their eventual success. It was often reported that Hutchence had from the beginning told his bandmates and family that he had his heart set on "world domination" as a performer. He loved fame and its trappings. ('Trappings'. What a curiously appropriate word in this context, right?) He loved all things sensual - women, food, wine - and he loved being a rockstar. He seemed to have gotten all that he wanted. Answered prayers.

I think about all the things my young and foolish heart prayed for. If I had been given everything my physical self used to want so badly, I don't know what condition my soul would be in now.

I am not making any judgments about Hutchence or anyone else. I don't know what his final moments were like or what last prayers he offered up. I don't know about anyone's soul but my own. I do pray that Hutchence, in his pain and heartache, managed to breathe out some kind of plea to God.

What I am musing on is how thankful I might should be that so many of my foolish prayers were not answered. There have been times when I tried to force the answer I wanted for my life or situation. That has never turned out well. Whenever I have tried to live my life on my strictly human and finite terms, whatever happiness I gain only lasts until it doesn't. And it never lasts forever.

So I know that sometimes when I don't understand why my way to something seems so blocked, there is a reason. I know that God watches over and protects my foolish human self from some of my own desires because He loves me.

If I'd had my way, I would have ended up in a relationship with at least 3 of the worst people I could be with. I actually did end up with the fourth one of those people. Even now, there are times when I don't like the right choice about things and I am tempted to try to find another way - my way. I have mostly learned though that my way usually leads me in the wrong direction. I am learning to pray and listen.

It's been said and sung about before, but the unanswered prayer is often the biggest blessing we can get. 

Surviving a Temporary World

This has been a time of deep depression for me. I suffer from "the blues" off and on and have gotten used to the feelings. Usually, I work through the bad days by reminding myself that the sadness is temporary. I try to think of the last time I felt such a way and remember that I came through it. There are times though when the dark despair grabs hold and just sinks its teeth in. The past week has been one of those times.

What I am reminding myself of today as I wait for the depression to ease up is that not only is the unexplainable sadness temporary but this whole mortal life is not forever. I also remind myself that these attacks are the work of Satan - or at least the work of sin and consequences.

I suppose one of Satan's most gleeful accomplishments is when he can get our human hearts to look away from God to focus on everything but what we have to be thankful for. I have so much to be grateful for: a roof over my head and food and medications and people who care about me. But even if I were the most bereft person with nothing but life and breath, I could be thankful that there is a Savior who died for all of us.

All this for me

Of course, I am human and of flesh so I often find myself floating around in my misery.  The other day, I felt as if I was shut away in the darkest kind of darkness. I felt chained to the dark.

For those who don't know or who cannot understand, depression is real. I've heard some Christians say that depression is just self-pity or that it's something we just need to pray about. The first is not usually true and the second, while true, doesn't help the sufferer deal with the moment they are in. I pray all the time and I know that I will come out of my bad moments - one way or the other - because I do have a Savior who loves me. But it's the moment we sufferers live in that is the danger. How many people have not made it through that moment? How many people weakened during one of those moments?

I don't want someone telling me to "be a warrior, not a worrier" when I am fighting depression. If you want to do something for a person in the grips of depression, you pray for them. You be their prayer warrior.

Source

So, yes, this too will pass, I know that. It's the surviving until then that I struggle with. I will wait it out, ride it out, pray it out, and I will come through. I just pray for the people who don't have that faith or hope. But I do have that faith. I do have that hope that comes from knowing that all this world can take from me is this body. My soul is safe.

I never forget advice from a favorite song: to stop fighting a battle that has already been won because I am redeemed.

Peace
--Free

No Body of His Own

Just an interesting tidbit of wisdom my husband passed on from a sermon he heard when we were talking about how Satan attacks us at times:

We have to be prayerful at all times. Satan doesn't have a body (Jesus did), so he has to use other people to attack us sometimes.

Tim & I have been doing a lot of praying and renewing a committment to our faith. It seems like our prayers made Satan mad because he got real busy for a few days. Once we realized what was happening and put our focus back on the Lord, Satan had to go back to his corner to regroup.

Just a little bit of wisdom for you to share among yourselves. Don't stop praying!

***

Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer (Romans 12:12)

And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. (Luke 4:8)

Peace
--Free